Three Dirty Wash Cloths Can Put A Parent With Anxiety and Depression Over The Edge

Laundry is not a chore I mind doing. It’s something I can do while I’m doing other things around the house. It doesn’t require me to get my hands dirty. It’s not too physically demanding, except when I lug the basket up and down the stairs, but then I can pretend I’m getting some cardio in. I like the way our detergent smells. I like … Continue reading Three Dirty Wash Cloths Can Put A Parent With Anxiety and Depression Over The Edge

A Morning GrouchMay 7, 2015May 10, 20152 Comments

Depression

Depression ≠ Sadness

Not too long ago, one of my friends, who reads many of my blog posts, said to me that she was always, “reading about how sad you always are”. Her words rocked me back on my heels for a second, catching me off guard, for a number of reasons (it also made me think that all of those truly anonymous bloggers are really smart cookies). Even … Continue reading Depression ≠ Sadness

A Morning GrouchOctober 21, 2014October 21, 201429 Comments

Depression

If It Ever Gets That Bad (What People With Depression Want You To Know)

Everyone who has battled with depression has their own analogy for it and for me, it’s drowning. I’ve been riding high and dry the last few years but after Baby Grouch Number Two was born, I was swiftly sucked out to sea in a riptide. It happened quickly, a sharp jerk that startled and surprised me. Because, we’re always surprised when it comes back, aren’t … Continue reading If It Ever Gets That Bad (What People With Depression Want You To Know)

A Morning GrouchAugust 13, 2014August 13, 201428 Comments

Depression, Gratitude, Parenting

She Was Jarred Awake

She was jarred awake. She opened her eyes and her vision was clouded. Foggy. Dim. It was the same, day after day. Sometimes she noticed that what she saw was darker than normal and sometimes she thought that this was just what her life looked like. Maybe you should get checked out, she said to herself. She was a little worried about her view. Maybe a little more … Continue reading She Was Jarred Awake

A Morning GrouchJuly 29, 2014July 29, 20149 Comments

Depression, Love, Running

He Kept Trying To Help

He kept trying to help, but no matter what he did, it wasn’t helping. On the days he made dinner, he left the counter dirty and loads of pots and pans in the sink. On the days he completed projects around the house, he was busy for so long she felt abandoned. On the days he stayed nearby she felt smothered. When he said to wake him … Continue reading He Kept Trying To Help

A Morning GrouchJune 22, 2014June 23, 201414 Comments

Depression, Health

Broken Machinery

The floor is lined with well-oiled machines. They are gleaming models, producing perfect products. They hum, whir, purr. Smile. They are lustrous, polished instruments with safety valves releasing steam, and automatic shut-offs. They are controlled and efficient. But one machine is not like the rest. A single rusty clunker, worn out, broken down, wearing thin. It screeches, bangs, clanks. Snarls. … Continue reading Broken Machinery

A Morning GrouchMarch 6, 20149 Comments

Depression, Health

The Secret

She had to hide It somewhere. Somewhere safe. So, she cut herself open, quickly, before anyone could see It. It had to be hidden from view from prying eyes. From her own eyes. The pain of the cut was nothing compared to the pain Exposure would bring. Or so she thought. She shoved it inside her chest cavity, wedged beneath her lung, impeding her breathing, … Continue reading The Secret

A Morning GrouchDecember 5, 2013December 29, 201312 Comments

Depression, Parenting

The Monster’s Comforting Cloak

She had a monster inside her. He was shadowy and spiny and ran he laps around his home, inside of her heart. His talons took chunks out of her flesh as he stomped his feet on her. In her. The bristles on his back scraped and poked and gouged her insides as he turned and twisted. He dug in. He chomped at her flesh and … Continue reading The Monster’s Comforting Cloak

A Morning GrouchSeptember 2, 2013November 3, 201413 Comments

Depression, Family, Infertility

Secondary Infertility: What I’ve Been Telling Myself

It’s no secret that Mr. Grouch and I have been trying for Baby Grouch #2. We’ve been “not not trying” since she was only a few months old, and we started seeing our reproductive endocrinologist again back in May. As we embarked on this journey for a second time, I told myself I’d maintain a positive attitude. That I wouldn’t get sucked back into a … Continue reading Secondary Infertility: What I’ve Been Telling Myself

A Morning GrouchAugust 8, 201313 Comments

Depression, Family, Health, Husband

Angry is Easier

In 8th or 9th grade, I remember a light switch going off. Click. I was no longer the goofy, somewhat naively happy teen who thought making silly faces was hilarious and who loved sports more than anything. Suddenly I was angry. I was angry with society and I was angry with my parents and I was angry with my friends. I remember getting mad … Continue reading Angry is Easier

A Morning GrouchJuly 25, 2013July 28, 201329 Comments

A Morning Grouch

Mother. Writer. Artist. Gratitude Practicer.

Category: Depression