I feel the cool breeze on my skin and the sunlight on my brow and I am elevated. Rejuvenated. I am Light. But I was not meant to be this way. I was designed to be heavy. Dark. I was made to melt into the concrete when the sun hits my face. I was made to hide under the covers and be unable to lift them … Continue reading I Am Light
I am living the happiest and most fulfilling life. I feel like the luckiest lady in the world. I also have major depressive disorder and that juxtaposition can be hard for some people to understand. Sometimes when I share information about how my depression manifests people are surprised. Others pity me, tell me they’re sorry, or get annoyed “hearing about how sad I am” (sidebar: … Continue reading A Dip.
This fucking hip. Four years ago I had hip surgery for a torn labrum, and while that issue was corrected, I’ve been pretty much in a post-surgical nightmare ever since. A new problem immediately emerged, nerve pain that runs down the front of my thigh – and I’ve been getting the run around for the last four years – juggling hip surgeons, physical therapists, osteopathic … Continue reading Comfortably Numb
A few days ago, my daughter asked if she could go with me to my doctor appointment. Even though I had fantasized about a silent ride, maybe with a stop on the way to pick up a coffee, I agreed that she could come.After checking my weight (too high) and blood pressure (also too high), the nurse handed me two slips of paper. I started … Continue reading Here’s What You Need to Know About Digging Yourself Out of A Depressive Rut
September is Suicide Awareness Month. September is a designated time for us to share stories, resources, and awareness. Over 40,000 people a year in the U.S. die from suicide. That is a horrifically high number. I don’t know how many others suffer from depression and anxiety and grief as a result of those losses, but it seems like it must be astronomical. Here are a … Continue reading Have a Loved One Who is Struggling With Depression? Here Are The 5 Ways to Best Support Them.
It has happened again, and it will keep on happening, it seems, no matter what we try to do to prevent it. Another suicide hitting close to home. Unfortunately, when suicides occur there are some people who blame the victim. There are many who lash out in anger at the one who caused others pain by taking their own life. It’s understandable to be angry … Continue reading Think Suicide is Selfish? Here’s Why You’ve Got it Wrong.
I come with the hardest form of artillery. One is two and the other is four and they have small, smooth feet and cute tiny noses. They have the loudest of voices and the most beautiful of spirits. They bring giggles and hugs and peanut butter crackers. When I can juggle it all, I bring my strongest ammunition, but even when I do I know … Continue reading Dark Days
There was no horrific event, no jarring trauma. But one day during her teenage years she woke up and discovered she was a totally different her. The new her was no longer full of light, or love. She no longer housed any cheer or warmth or joy. For a while, she thought her old self had been replaced and she had been filled with hate … Continue reading Insides
There is no coming out of it. There is no getting over it. There is just IT. It ebbs and it flows and it morphs. It hides. It does not ever disappear. It teases, at times. It seems long gone. But, it is never really is. It always returns. With a vengeance. With a downward pull. It distorts. It deceives. It consumes. It tells you … Continue reading Depression Lies