Boy and girl, though young and immature, both recognized Their Pull. Pulling like an electric current around a giant loop. A tingly, weighty, attraction. Attracting them towards each other – their hands, their hips, their hearts. Hearts and bodies aged, and the older they grew, the stronger Their Pull. Pulling them with a sharp yank if they tried to push back. Back to back … Continue reading Their Pull
He kept trying to help, but no matter what he did, it wasn’t helping. On the days he made dinner, he left the counter dirty and loads of pots and pans in the sink. On the days he completed projects around the house, he was busy for so long she felt abandoned. On the days he stayed nearby she felt smothered. When he said to wake him … Continue reading He Kept Trying To Help
When we first fall in love, we notice only the admirable qualities our partner possesses. Mother Nature has watched many a fool, in the beginning stages of a relationship, believe they have found True Perfection, and she has laughed her ass off each and every time at such naiveté. True Perfection in human character is nothing more than a fond illusion; for every superior quality, … Continue reading Spouses: If They’re Really Good At One Thing, They Really Suck At Something Else
During the honeymoon phase, relationships are easy. They are all adventure and excitement and newness. But as the years wear on, the excitement dies down and reality sets in. Here are some tips to ensure that you are giving your spouse what he or she needs, so the two of you can make it for the long haul. 1. Schedule your sexy time. Instead of … Continue reading 10 Tips For Sustaining A Long-Lasting Marriage
How to pick a mate – from the fairer sex perspective. 1) Pick someone bigger than you. It doesn’t matter what size you are, it matters how big you are compared to the person next to you. If you are 4′ 8″ and 79 lbs, you pick someone who’s at least 5′ 2″ and you’re good. If you’re 6′ 3″ and 330 lbs, go for … Continue reading 10 Key Pointers For Picking A Mate
Mr. Grouch and I met in 1997, my freshman year of college, his sophomore year. It didn’t take long for me to fall head over heels. At 18 years old, I knew he’d probably be the one I married, but we were young and foolish and we used to drive each other batshit crazy. We broke up a few times and after 4 years of … Continue reading Camping Trips As Spousal Screenings
I thought I had already completed my obligatory Valentine’s Day post, when I wrote a love letter to my nasal irrigation system. But, then I thought there was no reason to disregard my OTHER lovey-dovey. No need to mention which or whom I love more. Mr. Grouch, you are a man apart, You wake me with your Good Morning fart. We met in the year Nineteen … Continue reading An Open Valentine to Mr. Grouch
My husband and I met on the soccer field – we were on the same intramural team at MSU in 1997. We talk about this long ago age in “pounds ago”, instead of “years ago” since we were once both young and spry. Sometimes we still play on coed teams together, or he plays on his own team and I do other things like yoga or jogging (running a half marathon … Continue reading I Stalk My Family When They Sleep. And Take Pictures.
Just over 6 weeks ago, Baby Grouch arrived. She is strong and healthy and a lovely little peanut. She is also somewhat lumpy and squeaky and sloshy – as newborns tend to be. During pregnancy, my body ventured into uncharted hormonal territory – that is – my hormones seemed to even out and become what many would call “normal”. My moods were relatively even and … Continue reading Smile. Scowl. Cry (sad). Smile. Laugh. Cry (happy).