6 am: Open up one eye when alarm goes off (as far as the crusts will allow). Snarl at alarm. Punch snooze. Tell yourself, “I’ll never drink again!” Shut eye. 6:15 am: Open up one eye (make sure it’s the same one). Sock the off button. Dig out crusts. Put feet on floor and pad to the bathroom. Make sure you’re hunched over. Snarl at … Continue reading How to Achieve the 4 p.m. Miracle
I’ve always hated my thighs. In high school, jeans shopping was a complete nightmare. I know what you’re thinking, “Isn’t it always?” or “Wouldn’t we all rather stick our heads into the yawning mouths of lions or alligators or piranhas than shop for jeans?” To which the answer is a resounding YES. Yes, we certainly would. Hell, wouldn’t we all rather stick our heads into the ASSES of these animals, if it meant … Continue reading Bow To Your Thighness: 3 Guiding Principles For Physical and Mental Health
Pregnancy preparedness: Things you’ll want to do before you get knocked up – in no particular order. 1. Start telling strangers in line at the grocery store and strangers you’re connected with on social media that you are pregnant and that you are planning to formula feed. Take notes when they give you loads of valuable advice about infant feeding. 2. Stare at your naked self in the mirror and … Continue reading A Comprehensive Pre-Pregnancy To-Do List
In honor of Infertility Awareness Week – here’s a Top 10 list for what some of y’all should shut the fuck up about. 1. Complaints about your body during pregnancy. Swollen feet? Fat ass? Whaleish proportions? Shut the fuck up, you’re pregnant. You have a tiny head and tiny feet poking you in the ribs and wedged between your organs. That’s how you’re supposed … Continue reading Top 10 Things Infertiles Want You To Shut The Fuck Up About
A Morning Grouch 