Grouchy Pants. Or, Grouchy No-Pants.

I didn’t have any problems sleeping when I was younger.  During elementary school, and even middle school, I generally slept through the night, and had dreams only intermittently.  I didn’t start being all sleep-crazy until I started high school. Thank you, hormones.

There was one recurring dream that I can recall from elementary school. I was at the mall, walking down a hallway, by myself.  I hear people shrieking and know that there is a dragon around the corner.  I run to hide, and end up crouching behind a drinking fountain, located in the middle of the hallway.  I peek my head around the edge of the fountain, see the dragon coming down the hallway, in my direction, and quickly swivel my head back around, hoping it doesn’t see me.  It never noticed me, so I thought I would be ok, provided I remain behind the fountain.  It was slightly unnerving while experiencing it, but I do not remember being all that scared about it when I woke up.

As my early years were relatively dream-free, and thus, fatigue-free, I wasn’t always A Morning Grouch.  But, as with all things, there was a day that I recollect as an exception.

The couple who lived next door to us, used to babysit me before school. They had a son my age, and we would squabble  play together often.  I don’t remember too much about the mom, except that she made really, really good chicken curry.  I still think about how good her chicken curry was.  (Sorry mom, for not eating the chicken curry you made me after you found out I liked hers.  I appreciate the effort.  It just wasn’t the same.  Not at all.)  My parents would drop me off next door when they left for work;  I was often carried over, in my pajamas, eyes full of sleep.  I would eat breakfast, get dressed, and hop on the bus from their house.

One winter morning I got dressed, put on my super awesome, bulky, navy blue snow pants, and wrapped a scarf around my neck.  I was very bundled up.  I’m not really sure why I even wore snow pants to school. How dorky?  I mean, I just got on the bus and then walked into the school.  It’s not like I was snowshoeing across the Arctic, through the tundra.  Perhaps they were essential for recess shenanigans.

Anyway, I got to my locker, unwrapped the scarf and slid it on it’s hook, shoved my coat inside.  I went to remove my snow pants…and….uh oh!  I realized I forgot to put on REAL pants underneath!  HOW DO YOU FORGET TO PUT ON PANTS??  There may have been a moment of sweaty panic.

Note:  I know this might sound like a dream/nightmare where you show up to school naked.  But this is for real.  I swear.  (Sidebar:  See husband?  I have always been a little forgetful, even about pesky little things, like pants.  Just an FYI that I will never remember to put the pruning shears away when done, open the window when taking a shower, close the cupboard doors after stacking dishes, and turning off the lights after I leave a room.  At least never all of them, consistently.  Might as well just let it go).

After the brief cortisol surge, I think to myself, “I’ve got this”.  Apparently I used to have an inordinate amount of confidence.  The entire day goes by, and I lie, unconvincingly I’m sure, about just feeling like wearing my snow pants that day.  Uh huh.  You could hear me going to reading….swish…swish…swish, you could hear me going to math…swish…swish…swish…and to recess (which I was super excited about, as it was the only time when swishing was an appropriate noise for your pants to make, and I wasn’t the only odd duck wearing them).

I wasn’t yet at the point yet where I drowned my sorrows in red wine,  so I’m really not sure what I did to relieve the stress from that day.

24 thoughts on “Grouchy Pants. Or, Grouchy No-Pants.

  1. That swish swish swish is so sweet. And I often wonder what I used to do instead of wine to relieve the stress of a day. I guess some good old snow-fort making does the trick when you’re a kid.

    1. hahaha love that show! My college aged sister has heard of Pants Off Dance Off Parties (I swear I don’t think they are orgies…) but didn’t realize that stemmed from a ridiculous t.v. show!

  2. I love that dream about the dragon and the water fountain. Could be a great children’s book. You painted such a clear vision with the swish-swish-swish that I can almost see you walking to class. At least you were warm!

  3. A delightful read! Maybe, some of your stress was relieved by a hug from one of the, “dragons,” (parents). More hugs needed, I say!!

  4. I thought about you in the middle of the night. I don’t usually dream vividly, but I had several vivid dreams in a row, and I woke up after one particular dream with a total adrenalin surge and racing heart. It was an awful dream and I knew I should write it down immediately so I could go to one of those websites and interpret it, but I was too tired and went back to sleep. Damnit! Now I can’t remember it at all! Seriously. How do I forget a dream that gave me such a physical reaction? Do you write yours down immediately or just remember them in the morning? I am really upset with myself about it. I want to know the message.

    Anyway…..your REAL life nightmare about the snow pants – Yikes!!! Poor thing 😦

    1. Yes, you have to write them down right away, even just a few key words helps. I keep a little book next to my bed and write it either in the middle of the night if I wake up and can’t fall back asleep or else right away in the morning. Sometimes the writing is SO MESSY since I write it half asleep that I can hardly read it. It is amazing the physical reaction to dreams – or the “feeling” that lingers long after you forget the dream itself. Let me know if you end up having more and write them down!!

  5. This might be my favorite post of yours yet. I have those dreams where I forget to wear clothes, but they’re, you know, dreams. Closest thing I’ve got is the time I took my jeans out of the dryer, put them on, rushed off to school, and felt something drop in first hour. My panties. My panties dropped out of my pant leg in first hour in front of everyone.

  6. Lol, loved this- it made me laugh out loud. I’m forever forgetting things like shutting the cupboards when I finish stacking dishes or putting up stuff once I use it, luckily I’ve never forgotten pants(in real life). I’m kinda feeling better about my forgetfulness now. 😉
    (coming by from lovelinks where you visited my other blog, thanks btw! )

  7. The swish swish swish is cracking me up. I remember when I was wearing a bra too early and forgot it one day. I was so worried the ENTIRE day. Only to be reassured by my mother later that evening, don’t worry dear you don’t need it anyway. Awesome, thanks.

  8. Haha… oh my gosh! I’m dying laughing right now because it reminds me of the time in high school I went to school with two different shoes on. Like you, I have no clue how I could have done that. When I was getting dressed, I tried on both pairs to see which one I liked the best with my outfit and got distracted; and therefore, forgetting to put on the matching shoe of the one I liked best. Unlike you though, I didn’t stick it out… I rushed home and switched shoes making me VERY very late to my first class. I didn’t care though… it was a necessary sacrifice! LOL Thanks for sharing!! 😉

  9. Swish…swish…OMG! LOL!

    My dorky mom used to make me wear dresses to school everyday, (and this was during the 70’s & 80’s when NO ONE wore dresses anymore) and one hot day I forgot to put on shorts under my dress so I could hang from the monkey bars. Needless to say I never forgot shorts again. And to this day my grade school buddies have never forgotten the day I word my wonder woman panties 🙂

    Thanks for stopping by my blog

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