My Blogging Resume: I Probably Shouldn’t Waste Money on Fancy Paper

My good pal over at Sammiches and Psych Meds signed up to attend her first blogging conference at Blog U this summer and she’s trying to get me to go with her.  Apparently things get way more formal than one might assume and bloggers bring business cards and writing resumes, hoping to make connections and sell themselves. The thing is she’s actually a real blogger and writer and I’m more of the fake kind. So, while her writing resume is actually like … a resume. Mine looks more like this:

Bloggy Resume 1

Lack of credentials aside, I might go anyway. I’m intrigued. And she’s fun to drink with.

Anyone been to a blogging conference and have any info to share with us newbies? Anyone going to Blog U?

The 5 Worst Things You Can Say To A Blogger

So, I’m no blogging genius.  When I first started blogging I had zero idea of the etiquette, cultish followings, or blogging cliques that existed.  I pretty much started this as a procrastination tool.  I’m still half-assed and hardly an expert; I have been dragging my feet even getting my self-hosted site up and running (does that even make sense?) because I have almost zero clue where to start (but dammit, I will learn, eventually.  I will).  But even with all that, I am starting to get some idea of what the blogging world is all about.

There are some phrases non-bloggers may or may not realize are not a good idea to say to someone who blogs:

1.  I read your blog. With no follow-up.  Oh. Thank you? You read it. But you didn’t say what it was exactly that you read. Or if you liked it. Or hated it. Or if it made sense.  Or if you connected with it at all.  Are you trying to tell me you are doing me a favor by reading it? Was it a chore? Did the post pique your interest and then disappoint?  Know that most bloggers are incredibly insecure, and also inept when it comes to verbal communication, so if you said this to us, we probably just nodded and ran away, thinking that whatever it was that you read was ridiculous, boring, and/or full of grammatical errors and typos.

2.  How’s your blog? Um. I don’t know. How IS it?  That isn’t really something a blogger can answer for you.  We like what we write…that’s why we write it.  But how do you measure how a blog is doing?  Are you asking if we still enjoy doing it?  Or how many people read it?  Or if we’ve made millions in advertising revenue?  No matter what the question, it’s clear that you aren’t interested enough to have any input about how the blog “is”.  At least that’s what our insecure brain is telling us you think.

3.  Does anyone read your blog?  Um, come on.  ANYONE?  You know at least my mom reads it.  And sometimes she forces her friends to.  So, um YEAH.  THEY DO. Humph.

4.  Are you still doing your blog?  Seriously?  If you really care, you’d just click the website and find out.  And if you don’t care, that’s fine, really.  We know that what we write might not be your style, or might not be interesting to you and that’s okay. But, your question belies your feigned interest.  Please don’t pretend like you care all of a sudden just because I ran into you at Starbucks.

5.  Nothing. This means you either didn’t read it or you read it and didn’t like it.  Did I mention that bloggers tend to be sensitive and unsure?  We are emotional scardey-cats. Hiss!  We can tell how many people read our posts, but we can’t tell who, unless you comment. However we do realize that it just isn’t everyone’s “thing” to comment on blog posts (we’re guilty of this too, sometimes you’re just too busy or don’t feel like you have anything of value to say) so this form of communication is much preferred to 1, 2, 3 or 4. It’s the lesser of all the evils.  Meow.

The 5 Worst Things You Can Say To A Blogger
The 5 Worst Things You Can Say To A Blogger

Call Me a Fanfaron This Week

Ok, I’m going to be a little boasty, braggy, hippity hoppity.  I can’t help it, I just might explode – this week has been sort of amazing.  I have had a lot of horribly dark weeks, and this one is shiny and bright and remarkably different than those.

FRIDAY: I am starting a support program for students on the Autism Spectrum at the high school I work in – we will be piloting it, starting in September.  A local news channel  interviewed me last week, along with a parent and student in the program, and ran a segment about the program on the 5 o’clock news.  Bonus: My excessive facial hair was not overly noticable, even with the high def cameras.

SATURDAY:   A record number of views today on my Accidental Marathoner post made my day!  I also got a piece of “fan mail” in the form of a message on my fb page from someone who had enjoyed the post.  The message said this:

Congratulations on your achievement! Besides it being your own personal achievement, you’ve inspired countless others you’ll never know. This is … a great thing in light of ALL the events of the past week. 4 of my children will run in the Illinois Marathon this coming Saturday (the first for all of them!). I shared your Accidental Marathoner blog with them….truly inspiring, very much the truth, they agreed. I just wanted you to know that what you write makes a difference.

Um, can you say BEST EMAIL EVER?!

SUNDAY:  I ran my first marathon.  Despite not running for two years before having my baby, and running the race 7 months post-baby (the point being: I did not feel NEARLY as strong as I think I should feel before running a marathon), I decided to just go for it. I had a great experience, and my time beautifully corresponded with the whole reason I ran the marathon in the first place.

MONDAY: Our news story aired a second time, on the local news channel’s morning program.  I could also walk down the stairs pretty comfortably – something I was not anticipating after the 26.37 miler the day before.

TUESDAY:  Baby Grouch got her 2nd tooth.  I know I had nothing to do with this, but I sort of feel like I do because I MADE HER (Double bonus:  I MADE A BABY –  still pretty excited about that).

WEDNESDAY:  I thought Saturday went well, but today I was completely overwhelemed with the number of views, replies and comments on my post in honor of Infertility Awareness Week.  This far surpassed my previous record on Saturday of most views on a post.  I had a lot of people share the Top 10 list, and there were so many women who said that this hit the nail on the head, that it said what they felt, but were often too afraid to say.  It is sort of amazing when you realize you aren’t alone, and there are so many others who understand you.

THURSDAY:  I dropped the cap to my water bottle, but then immediately caught it ON MY SHIN before it hit the floor and I lifted my leg up to return said cap to my hand.  Clumsy and yet SO coordinated at the same time.

And ALSO, I got my first piece of hate mail!  It was very exciting and occurred in the form of another blogger posting about how my Infertility Awareness Post pissed her off. HAH!  She didn’t actually point out much that she didn’t like about it, other than a) my agressive tone (absolutely guilty as charged, that was the idea) and b) when I said infertiles didn’t want to hear pregnant people complaining about their whaleish pregnant bodies.  Her huffiness made more sense when I noticed she had JUST written a post about how horribly whaleish she’s feeling because she’s got a big pregnant body (I’m paraphrasing here).  I get it.  Other side of the coin and all that.  I’m not offended that she got offended.  Plus, the fact that she hated it helped me raise awareness even more, so I thank her for helping me accomplish my goal.

Perhaps I was linked into her post an effort to draw more readers to her blog.  If that’s the case, I guess the joke’s on her, because I’m really a half-assed blogger and I don’t have that many readers! She must think I care deeply about my readership numbers since she felt the need to point out to me that she wouldn’t have bothered complaining about my post publically if she had noticed ahead of time that I wasn’t a “big time blogger”.

FRIDAY:  A few months ago I entered my infertility story (the nice one, not the bitchy one) into a writing contest.  And guess what? I won a $400 prize package –  money towards a vacation destination and also money towards future services at the fertility center that hosted the contest.  Maybe enjoying a free weekend away will make my husband less annoyed that my face is constantly shoved into my computer keyboard.

I also utilized the word “fanfaron” which came in my word-a-day email this week.  I never remember to practice those words.

Ok, I’m done.  I’ll be humble again, now that I got that out.

For all you jealous types, don’t worry, I’m sure next week I’ll get rear ended, drop my cell phone in the toilet and my cat will pee all over the living room carpet.  Because, that’s how life works.

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