I’ve always hated my thighs. In high school, jeans shopping was a complete nightmare. I know what you’re thinking, “Isn’t it always?” or “Wouldn’t we all rather stick our heads into the yawning mouths of lions or alligators or piranhas than shop for jeans?” To which the answer is a resounding YES. Yes, we certainly would. Hell, wouldn’t we all rather stick our heads into the ASSES of these animals, if it meant … Continue reading Bow To Your Thighness: 3 Guiding Principles For Physical and Mental Health
1. I’m going to misplace everything. I already do this, so it’ll just be magnified twelvethousandfold. I misplace my phone about 5 times a day. I put papers on my desk and can’t find them for 40 minutes. And they’re right there, on my desk. It’s exhausting. My grandmother recently drove an hour and a half away to get her hair done at a salon … Continue reading Nine Ways I’m Going To Be Annoying When I’m Old (Which Also Happen To Be Why I’m Annoying Now)
An Ode To My Nasal Irrigation System I threw it on the ground and burst into tears, A green-snotty tissue, one of my worst fears! An ode to you, my nasal rinse, Even if you sometimes make me wince. Some may balk at the suggestion, But you help me to prevent congestion. You save the day with your salty brine, I’m oh-so-happy you are mine. … Continue reading An Ode To My Nasal Irrigation System
Yesterday morning was a little rough. I never answer my phone when I see a number I don’t recognize. So, it was not out of the ordinary when I ignored my phone after seeing “Restricted” pop up on my caller id. I muted the call and went back to sipping my coffee and singing to Baby Grouch in my horrendously off key tones. Maternity leave … Continue reading Well, Shit, That Doesn’t Sound Good.
Just over 6 weeks ago, Baby Grouch arrived. She is strong and healthy and a lovely little peanut. She is also somewhat lumpy and squeaky and sloshy – as newborns tend to be. During pregnancy, my body ventured into uncharted hormonal territory – that is – my hormones seemed to even out and become what many would call “normal”. My moods were relatively even and … Continue reading Smile. Scowl. Cry (sad). Smile. Laugh. Cry (happy).
So, I’ve realized that no matter what, I’m going to have crazy dreams, and wake up exhausted every day. It doesn’t matter how many times I hit snooze, or if I get 6 hours of sleep or 9. I’m going to wake up feeling like death and murderous rage and vomit all at the same time. Last January I joined a running club and started … Continue reading Saturday Mournings
So, I’m 32 years old, and have been on blood pressure medication for the past 4 years. (I have also been married for four years…coincidence? (Just kidding, love you honey!) I actually can’t extol the magnificence of this blood pressure medication enough, because as an added bonus to reducing my systolic and diastolic, it has also cleared up my skin. Growing up, I was lucky enough to clear, … Continue reading Headache-O-Meter