My dad sent me information about a “Sweet Pea” photo contest at our local credit union. I was excited. And then disturbed. And then resigned. When I first heard about the contest, I thought to myself, “Baby Grouch is a sure winner of this contest! She’s a knock-out; even people I don’t know will vote for her! As I rifled through my mental Facebook Rolodex, … Continue reading The Anti-Photo Contest Photo Contest Entry
In 8th or 9th grade, I remember a light switch going off. Click. I was no longer the goofy, somewhat naively happy teen who thought making silly faces was hilarious and who loved sports more than anything. Suddenly I was angry. I was angry with society and I was angry with my parents and I was angry with my friends. I remember getting mad … Continue reading Angry is Easier
I am making a series of children’s books for Baby Grouch. It just sounded like a good idea, when ideas kept popping into my head during a jog or whatnot. I’m trying to act more on my ideas instead of just thinking about them so I decided to give it a go. I’m also trying to not NOT do something if I don’t think it’s … Continue reading A Pair of Happiness
1. The sheer beauty. Being able to behold the smooth skin, big eyes, and oversized head on a bitty frame is a luxury. Unselfconscious and unaware of just how perfectly formed they are makes them even more delicious. 2. The absolute happiness. It is impossible to not smile when your child is smiling, to not laugh when she is laughing, to not play, when she … Continue reading The Best Things About Being The Parent Of An Infant
My dad is pretty awesome. Happy Father’s Day, Pa! Love ya. 1. Eat healthfully. Have an apple a day. Don’t eat just to eat. Enjoy cottage cheese as a delicious protein-punched snack. Except also love pizza. And love it with a passion. 2. Make smart financial decisions. Don’t overspend. Save, save, save. And then save some more. I didn’t follow this advice so well, however … Continue reading Traits I Inherited From My Dad
How to pick a mate – from the fairer sex perspective. 1) Pick someone bigger than you. It doesn’t matter what size you are, it matters how big you are compared to the person next to you. If you are 4′ 8″ and 79 lbs, you pick someone who’s at least 5′ 2″ and you’re good. If you’re 6′ 3″ and 330 lbs, go for … Continue reading 10 Key Pointers For Picking A Mate
I have vivid memories of Mr. Grouch, in his college apartment, during muggy summer months. I can picture him, stripped down to his whitie tighties, sprawled across his twin bed, with the oscillating fan one centimeter from his toes, the soggy air leaving him too lethargic to move. A sexy, sweaty, beast. The two of us are different in so many ways but in this way we are oh so much … Continue reading Parenting: Reasons to Panic #2: The Sleeping Newborn
3 a.m. feedings are more than feedings. They are snuggles and safety and softly sung songs. They are cozy and comfortable and contented. Or discontented. They are waffle printed and lavender scented. They are sniveling and sweating and shushing, and are viewed through puffy eyes, crusted with sleep. They are restless and fatiguing and short. Or long. And they are beautiful. … Continue reading 3 a.m. Feedings
So, I’m trying to get back into shape. Pre-baby shape. Which I’m quite sure is a fairy tale notion. My core is a disaster. My pelvis is broken. (Full disclosure: It’s really NOT. It’s just offset enough to FEEL like it’s broken and there’s nothing that can be done except steroid injections, which I haven’t yet tried, but am quite sure I will have to … Continue reading Parenting: Reasons To Panic #1 – Jogging With Baby
Pregnancy preparedness: Things you’ll want to do before you get knocked up – in no particular order. 1. Start telling strangers in line at the grocery store and strangers you’re connected with on social media that you are pregnant and that you are planning to formula feed. Take notes when they give you loads of valuable advice about infant feeding. 2. Stare at your naked self in the mirror and … Continue reading A Comprehensive Pre-Pregnancy To-Do List
A Morning Grouch 