About

Every morning, I wake up exhausted.  My husband consistently arises chipper, happy. Sometimes he even sings.  Ugh, how disgusting.  I stumble zombie-like out of bed.  I walk blindly, my myopic eyes non-functional, eyelids half shut to prevent retinal damage from the morning rays. Gross.  About once per year, I wake up feeling rested and I think, “So this is what it feels like!”  And that fleeting, extraordinary moment in time is the one day each year that I am nice.

Scientific studies have shown that sleep deprivation causes fatigue, irritability, weight gain, loss of cognitive function, and even death.    Well, NO WONDER this pudgy bitch can’t think straight.  But, hallelujah, I’m still alive.

I started this blog because logging the terrors that suck away my energy and being able to shuttle my frustrations off into empty space within the vacuous webosphere made me feel….more productive.  Like there might be something of value that comes out each loathsome morning, even if the rest of the day I am a lethargic disaster. Sometimes I cling to that productivity. It’s a little sad, really.

Over time the blog has evolved and now I just post about whatever I’m thinking about. Infertility.  Parenting.  Marriage.  Running.  Depression.  But overall – GRATITUDE.

I update sporadically.  I go in spurts.  I tend to update more often when I have a lot of other things I should be doing.  I’m a half-assed blogger.

Leave me a comment so I know you stopped by!  And, if you like what you see, pass along to others who might feel the same way.

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79 thoughts on “About

  1. Well, c’mon, now. You’re not being fair to yourself. You’re nice. Very nice, in fact. Maybe you have some super extra ridiculously annoying nice that’s hidden by the fatigue. I think being sleepy just makes us grumpy. For just a little bit.

  2. The morning is a terrible country which I hate to travel in… and when I do, I prefer to do so in silence– alone. My grandmother said nothing good happens after midnight but I say nothing good happens before noon.

  3. Found you on Freshly Pressed and loved the post. Had to check you out. I also don’t sleep well and wake up feeling like somehow I managed to drink bottles of wine while sleeping and have a hangover. Looks like you have a great sense of humor and look forward to reading more. Nice to meet you.

      • I am envious too. Wouldn’t it be great to wake up and feel like we could conquer the world ? I am 52 and been dealing with this for about 20 or so years. I can get going after a couple hours but still not at the level other people do. Have you tried sleep studies? I see the doctor today, she is thinking I may need to enter the sleep study program.

  4. I also don’t wake up well. I usually need at least two cups of coffee to get going. I also write a hodgepodge on my blog. Whatever enters my brain at the moment. Anyway, it’s great to have found you via Freshly Pressed. Congrats again!

  5. this is awesome stuff, i love your blog. i’m glad you were freshly pressed, it made it super easy to find you.

    i apologize for being a guy just like your husband. i rock the mornings, and i can’t help it. but my girlfriend is just like you, so it is really nice and kind of refreshing to see into the mind of a person who hates the wee hours of the day.

    ps: i beatbox in the morning, so thank the lucky stars that your husband just sings. could be way worse. 😉

  6. I love your “The Office is the Only Hope” poem. I was wondering if I might quote it in a book that I’m writing, “An Ethnography of American Birth.” One chapter includes a discussion of how people experience infertility in America. If you want to read more about this book, visit this website: http://ethnographyofamericanbirth.wordpress.com. If I may quote your poem, could you send me a quick email at ethnographyofamericanbirth@gmail.com to let me know?

    Best to you and your family,
    Sharon

  7. How refreshing to read your blog. I have just started one myself, a little slow as I have had a horrible few weeks. But thank you for your sense of humour and sharing. I am just getting a little brave to share mine. Thanks for the smile today. will be back to read more 🙂

  8. Hello! I can’t help suggesting this as I too used to have the problem of not being able to sleep and all and waking up exhausted etc. You might look into treating it with traditional chinese medicine!? Worked like a charm for me! I enjoyed your most recent post and am about to read further… :))

  9. I have had to learn the art of, “faking it”. I smile and nod pleasantly as my husband chatters on in the mornings, rough housing with the dogs. All I’m really thinking about is, COFFEE. And quiet. And every day I try and be a better person by not yelling at everyone to just be “QUIET!” until I have had my first cup. First sip? ugh. I need a nap.

  10. I can totally relate… I am also a grouch in the mornings. And silent mornings are most definitely the best albeit rare. Looking forward to reading more of your posts.
    I have also set up anonymously – so i’m encouraged that you have become so popular yet remained anonymous. Love this blog!

  11. Somehow I seem to have a little more patience about the “silent” part when it comes to my kids than I do when it comes to my husband – hah. Looking forward to checking out more of your blog – started following you today 🙂

  12. Just found you on Fresh Pressed…after reading that someone else I follow was “Pressed”. I suspect I will not be flattened anytime soon, but I am enjoying my visit to your world and will continue to explore!

  13. A friend just directed me over here, and I’m happy she did so. I’m more of a quarter- assed blogger, myself, so at half-assed you’re doing great. I totally relate to writing about whatever you’re thinking about. Problem is that these days most of my great inspirations happen when I’m in the shower, and are washed away by the time I get out. 😦

    Pleased to meet you. I’m off to fire up the coffee machine now.

  14. Hiya – yup, I’ve got a chirp hubby, too and I think maybe once or twice this year I felt amazing BEFORE the gallons of caffeine. I think I’ll give you a follow if you do not mind. I hope Reader obliges. It’s been acting wonky lately.

  15. It’s Rachel from The Tao of Poop here! I didn’t see a way to contact you on your blog, so I’m writing a comment here. A fellow blogger is working on a self-published anthology called Mom for the Holidays, and she asked me to help her edit it. I would love it if you would submit a piece for it, because I think you are a great writer. She is offering some compensation after expenses are recouped. If you are interested, contract me on my contact form on my blog and I will give you the details.

  16. I understand – I’m a nocturne. I married a morning person. I still cannot work out how, but it’s proving useful on weekends with kids. I’ve read a couple of your posts and can totally relate. Can’t wait to read more!

  17. Well hello! I think, given your description mirrors me in the morning, that I might be your long lost twin living in South Africa. I just read your ‘About me’ to my husband and he is convinced I am your ghostwriter. Eerie!

  18. Another grouch in the morning. Love it. As a Grand Parent it doesn’t get any better. Just to let you know. Although in some cases you can send the little rug rats home with their parents. Then there are times like the position I am in now, one of the grand kids and their single Mom or Dad live at home. That’s always a joy. Trying to write a blog while looking at pictures of sharks or kittens on google to keep the kid amused. Writing goes to s***t and thinking is out of the question. See you have something to look forward too. Love you blog by the way.

  19. Hi, Grouchy. I am Grumpy and I am really upset that that dwarf stole my name. I am definitely grumpier than he is. If you really want to know what I look like, just look up Grumpy in the dictionary and there’s my picture. Since you ask me to comment, it seemed good to call attention to what we have in common. And I am Grumpy 366 days of the years. Of course, that’s a leap year. Unfortunately every year feels like a leap year to me. Anyway nice to meet you, Grouchy. Keep up the good work.

  20. Sleeping is over-rated. Exercising, Meditating, Yoga, Relaxing, Hanging out, making time for yourself are not.

  21. A very gentle, soft “hello” to you. I won’t say a chipper “Good morning!” because…um…well…you know… I hate to be woken up in the morning, or anytime I’m sleeping. I have an instant “fight or flight” response and am very disoriented, so I totally get where you’re coming from.
    We appear to have some things in common, and I can’t wait to peruse your blog.
    Have a lovely day–once you’ve had some coffee and are properly awake! 🙂

  22. I’m so glad I crawled out from under my rock and stumbled my way over to your blog! I very much look forward to reading more of your stories, but first I need another cup of coffee. I hope you have a productive day….one of us should lol!

  23. Just wanted to tell you how much reading your posts about infertility mean to me. My husband and I have been trying to have a child for 32 years- we married young. First it was his problem and then it was mine. I have no problem getting pregnant, but I have a baby killing uterus. DAMN autoimmune system! I have miscarried 11 babies- 3 sets of normal tested donor egg twins in 2014 alone. I was taking 25 pills a day, 6 shots a day, weekly infusions of a med that cost 3k to 5k a dose- my great insurance that I was paying in order to be able to afford these drugs came to $1800/month. I no longer have that insurance as I cannot afford it any more.
    I am afraid I will never be able to have children. We have spent over $150,000 in all of these decades of trying and ALL of our money has gone/goes towards trying to have children. We are just adjunct professors and cannot afford to do surrogacy at all, nor do we have family or friends who can offer to do surrogacy for us either. It scares me because our known donor (beautiful, smart, FERTILE, 26 years old now) offered to be a free surrogate BUT the caveat is that she wants to sleep with my husband, have her name put on the birth certificate, and if my husband dies, she wants the baby/child back– um not going to happen. I think she is trying to make my hubby her hubby…I know SHE loves HIM…but he still loves me. I am still afraid though knowing how much my husband wants kids and what 50+ year old man would not want all of what she is offering for free and still get a baby out of it? It gets worse the older we get and my fear grows more the more that time passes….Please dont tell me why did we not do adoption. We have had friends who did this and when the birth parents got their act together, they came and took the children back. OUr friends were heartbroken. I cannot even imagine how we would feel if this were to happen to us if we adopted. We are NOW looking into it, but dont know if we ever can. BTW, our families live into their 100’s, have no alzheimers/dementia, still drive, live independently, etc so though people judge us for still trying, we know we have a good 50 years ahead of us… And if we dont well, my hubbby has 10 brothers and sisters and countless nieces and nephews to loook after any kids we “might” ever have. So please, don’t bother me with your judgement anyone who wants to comment on that. It is our life.
    Again, thank you so much for what you write. It came at just the right time. :0)

  24. I loved your piece on exhausted parents. You literally took the thoughts out of my head and also made them really funny. Thanks so much for speaking the truth!

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