People Detox

Humans are generally social creatures.  Evolutionarily this must have once served us quite well, since to this day we crave togetherness so much that we make up ways to do things as a community.  We create dances.  We synchronize swim. We pledge allegiance to the Spartans or the Wolverines or the Bears and we all wear the same color and paint our faces and howl and sing and taunt those not in our tribe.  We created a whole new form of media just so we could socialize when we were unable to socialize. Socializing is so great!

Except sometimes, you know, when it’s not.

Like, when you’re around your family too much.  They can REALLY get on your nerves. They can be loud and obnoxious and annoying as hell. They can never make plans, or they make plans and show up late, or they make plans and show up on time, but then they act like…themselves.  Isn’t it weird how those you love the most can drive you absolutely freaking bonkers?

You know who else can drive you crazy?  Strangers.  Absolute strangers that you have no fucking clue who they are but they do one thing and you instantly HATE THEM.  You can wish a cancerous growth to sprout from an anus, or a colony of flesh-eating bacteria to set up camp in their eyelids, all because they were driving 5 miles per hour too slow in your lane, or because they didn’t hold the door open for you, even though you know they saw you holding lattes in both hands.  Disgusting.  It might as well have been them who scalded your hands.  They basically assaulted you.

You know what else can be exhausting and overwhelming and sort of assaulty feeling? Fun. That’s right, fucking fun. All the parties and events and play dates you set up with your friends sound great until you actually have to get dressed and slap makeup on your face and then, after all that energy has been exerted, you have to expend even more energy to interact with those people you just got out of the pajamas you’ve been wearing for three days all dressed up for.  Companionship can be taxing.

Sometimes togetherness is like that little Downy bear – all snuggly and soft and warm and fuzzy. But other times it can be quite the opposite. It can be sharp as daggers. Pokey. Irritating.  Like an evil little porcupine that you thought was cute until you tripped and fell on got impaled by its … pines.  Quills.  Whatever.  Fuck you.

Anyway, sometimes you just need SILENCE.  And ALONENESS.  Sometimes you just need a PEOPLE DETOX.  A god-damned communication cleanse to regroup so you don’t lose your shit and actually burn a bridge you might want to cross over again someday.

Sometimes you need the 3 Day Communication Cleanse.  

3 Day Cleanse.  A People Detox.  For your sanity and the safety of those around you.
3 Day Cleanse. A People Detox. For your sanity and the safety of those around you.

15 thoughts on “People Detox

  1. Agree, and I’m a, “people person.” Hard to imagine what it’s like for those who are not, but happy for them when they’re allowed to detox.

  2. Hahaha! Having just come from yoga (which is pretty much making me lose my mind) which I engaged in in order to get away from my house (which is full of stuff and two people who talk — one almost all the time when I’m reading or doing something that requires silence, and the other almost all the time during TV shows or movies, and when I’ve just said “I’m going to bed now.”), this gave me a good chuckle. Thanks.

  3. This is awesome. I need a people detox so bad right now! Too much family, too much talking, too much NOISE in my life right now.. Sigh

      1. Exactly! No one is technically shouting but everyone is talking so loudly at the same time that they might as well be screaming! Sigh… Gives me a migraine.. 😦

  4. Often, when my husband wants to go somewhere I know will be crowded we end up having this discussion:

    Librarian: “Chief, there will be so many people there. You know how I feel about people. Generally, I hate them.
    Chief: You’re a public librarian!
    Librarian: Yes, that’s why generally, I hate people.

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