I feel the cool breeze on my skin and the sunlight on my brow and I am elevated. Rejuvenated.
I am Light.
But I was not meant to be this way.
I was designed to be heavy. Dark. I was made to melt into the concrete when the sun hits my face. I was made to hide under the covers and be unable to lift them up to escape because they’re too heavy. By design I am defeated. Ashamed. Worthless.
The things that lift others up – sunshine and gratitude and Choose Joy! – those things are heavy chains that pull me further down to a much deeper and darker place.
For Dark Me there is no natural way to choose happiness. Happiness doesn’t exist.
I’ve learned what it takes for me to be Light. The gratitude, the joy, the Choose Happiness! The I am worthy. Those feelings exist in me now.
Artificially produced in a lab and driven into my soul through a glass of water in the morning and another at night.
I am cracked and broken and the darkness pushes against the weak spots always trying to break through. The real me wants itself to exist. It could have won the battle to destroy me. I am sure of it.
But now I have the weapons to fight against my dark nature. The weapons need to be swapped, updated, or changed and I will always be a work in progress, but I am here. I am thankful. I am happy.
I am Light.