I thought I had already completed my obligatory Valentine’s Day post, when I wrote a love letter to my nasal irrigation system. But, then I thought there was no reason to disregard my OTHER lovey-dovey. No need to mention which or whom I love more.
Mr. Grouch, you are a man apart, You wake me with your Good Morning fart. We met in the year Nineteen Ninety Seven, According to you, we’re a match made in Heaven. It is true that sometimes I want to give your head a punch, And hear the bones in your nose go crunch. But I am often reminded of your positive traits, Your brains, your balls, your beautiful face. You'll call customer service and be firm, yet nice, You can get anyone selling to come down to your price. You're a man! A strong man! You demand lots of power, (yet I find it endearing, how bats and mice make you cower). Your handyman projects save us so much dough, That it’s okay the bathroom trim looks only so-so. You're an incredible father, at parenting you're top rate, Good luck with your plan though, to never let her date. You rub my back and pull out my chair, And do not care that I need vats of Nair. You put up with me during my times of despair, And my panic while camping - of attack by black bear. If I asked, you’d make me coffee in the morning, Except I no longer trust you, you made decaf once, without warning. You are a manly man, a work of art, And I love everything about you, for the most part.